Guest post: Rusty McRustnugget

Many of you know my dear friend Nick “Rusty” Rastenis.  He’s sort of an idiot savant, but a dear, dear comrade.  I have been friends with the Rustnugget for so long that I cannot even remember how long it’s been. What have we been through together? Jenny 2.0. “I’m not drunk yet.” “Nick, what’s wrong, and why are you squishing my face?”  Daphna.  Laura Teasdale, a.k.a., Elvira, Mistress of The Dark.  Drunkster messages. The ‘Stros. Election ’04.

And now, in his own words, here’s the story of Rusty in NY.


Wherein I channel my inner Roid.

There have been a few discussions recently about the gender battles vis-a-vis courtship and public behaviours, and I am consistently astounded by how stupid partisans of both sides really are. I, of course, in the immortal words of the Lacanian friend Christopher David Andrew Merwin, have “…serious problems with The Feminine.” Let us for a minute assume the methodological validity of Lacanian psychoanalysis, or psychoanalysis at all, for that matter, and ponder this. Who the hell wouldn’t have a problem with “The Feminine”? Are you kidding? Ugh, I truly hate Lacan and his followers. Well, anyway, I have decided to offer a few thoughts on this matter. There is truly no way to muster up the necessary snark, hatred and rage possible to do this without channeling one’s inner r01d3r. What is a r01d3r? It is a force of nature, the quintessence of outraged common sense reactions the idiocies of the world. It is the Ethos of The Fat Man. It is the Gyrations of Freedom. It makes Lou Dobbs look like Prescott Bush. It is pure, unadulterated rage at having to coexist contiguously to idiocy and a desire to pummel it. All men have an inner r01d. It is what drives us to drink lots of beer and eat chili burgers afterwards. It is what drives us to write posts like this one. More on the flip. Also, please find a massive policy statement at the end. It will shock everyone. I intend to address the following delusions in this post:

  • men thinking that women are interested in them,
  • women wondering why men are not interested in them and
  • women wondering why men are interested in them.

Men thinking that women are interested in them

First things first. This is what is known as Dheeraj’s Law of Courtship: It is the case that no woman is sufficiently interested in you unless she tells you, verbally, that she is or tries to make out with you. Some of you may think that this is harsh or unfair.

These are your objections.

“omfg dx she like looked @ me.” Guess what. People have eyes. Everyone has eyes. They look at things and people all the time. In public, people look around. I am doing it right now. Yes, even as I type this, I am looking around to see who’s sitting around me and who’s walking by. People watching is fun to do. And, if you’re a woman, you’re probably not only people watching, but, furthermore, looking to see what everyone is wearing. “Is that Manolo or Jimmy Choo? I’ll bet that’s fake DKNY. What a cute scarf. Eww, she’s too fat for that skirt. I could wear that.” The simple fact that you were an object in her field of view at some point in time T doesn’t mean that you’re going to go Wuthering Heights with her. Christ, Jesus. In fact, if you’re the kind of idiot who thinks that just because you were an object in a woman’s field of vision for some point in time T, odds are that you will never, ever, ever have a woman interested in you, because white trash and sorority girls aside, women prefer a modicum of intelligence in their prospective mates.

“lolz sleazy d she like let me talk to her” Let’s get this straight. In some kind of social situation where people are expected to make small talk with strangers, and where alcohol is probably involved to catalyse the process, the fact that someone said, “No problem,” when your stupid, fat, drunk self bumbed into her and spilled her plum martini with orange zest all over her unnecessarily complex shirt and said “Excuse me,” means that she’s interested in you? You have got to be kidding. Let’s assume that you’re not a bumbling moron. Let’s assume that you actually did have something to discuss with her beyond, “So, come here often?” and “How do you know the host?” You made cocktail conversation with someone for three minutes and thirty-four seconds. You’re obviously in love. You make Tristan and Ysolte look like middle school kids holding hands as they walk from homeroom to P.E. God, what kind of delusional, pathetic idiot are you?

“indicus u don’t get it i felt a connexion” Yeah, as the two of you bonded over discussion how awesome the last Dave Matthews Band cd was over Miller Lite at your latest douchebag happy hour, somehow, everything that Plato described in Symposium of the two souls coming together through the body for the beautification and perfection of each other occurred. Moron. You felt the Miller Lite making its way through your system, nothing more.

“filthy dheeraj she was wearing some pretty hot clothes no one dresses like that unless they’re interested” You are an absolute moron if you think that a woman needs an excuse to wear tight, revealing and flattering clothes in public. This doesn’t even warrant a response.

“omg delta chi u r such a dickwad she was like tapping my forearm and tipping her head at an angle.” You are not Charles Saunders Pierce. Leave semiology to those who know what they’re doing.

“dude d we spend all our time together adn hang out all time” That is because you are a moron. If you are interested in a woman who has to this point not expressed any interest in you beyond the amicable, you are just her buddy. You are the stuff that Drew Barrymore movies are made of. The only difference between you and her friend Vivian is that she can talk to Vivian while they’re both pissing in the ladies room. Every time he forgets their three and a half week anniversary, you have to listen to her cry and watch her eat copious amounts of stupid flavoured ice cream. And that’s your job, dude, because your delusions aside, you’re her friend. Accept that for what it is and be happy you have a friend.  Here’s a basic tip-off: if she talks to you about other men, you will never, ever be her boyfriend, ceteris paribus.

Women wondering why men aren’t interested in them.

This one is really simple. Men are not trained semiologists. Most men are not trained in the fine art of linguistic analysis and translation. Perfect example: yesterday, in conversation, I referred to the protasis of a conditional statement, and no one had any idea what that meant. If someone doesn’t know what a basic grammatical unit is, do you honestly expect that he’ll know that you like him based on how many times you use the word “like” in a sentence? Christ, Jesus.

“omfg dx it’s like he doesn’t get it i try to talk to him every day n i like laugh at his jokes n like i tilt my head at a thirty-five degree angle and bat my eyelashes more frequently than I otherwise would n like he still won’t ask me out.”‘ I urge you to make reference to Dheeraj’s Law of Courtship. Please also make not of the fact that men are not trained semiologists nor are they trained linguists. When most men talk to each other, there are few, if any, subtexts and overtones. The propositions are complete, containing sufficient data for communication. They are not going to notice that you’re wearing your flirty lipstick or your cute new earrings. They are not going to notice the tonal inflections that you add to the phrase “hang out.” Moreover, even if they do, because of Dheeraj’s Law, most reasonable men assume that women want nothing from them except friendship. This is because it is universally true that every man has at least once in his life fallen into the douchebag trap, purely because he followed the semiological and philological approach to dealing with women. “I was just looking for activity partners.” ” I think of you like a brother.” “Can’t we just hang out together?”

Once again, women, it’s a question of other women screwing you over. No man wants to wind up in the trap. Moreover, no man wants to wind up accused of sexual harassment. Because other women have made relying on semiology and philology unreliable methods of determining a woman’s intent, you have to make it bloody clear what you want. That means that you tell him or you grab him. It’s that simple. A former co-worker named Jess told me how she resolved the ambiguity with her current boyfriend. They had been hanging out together for weeks, and she was waiting for him to make a move. This didn’t happen. So, finally, one night, after several drinks, as they were sharing a cab home, she told the cab driver that they were going to her place and pulled him out of the cab to make out with him. That simple.

“lolz but i’m the girl y won’t he make a move?” What is your objective? If your objective is to have your nice Drew Barrymore movie play out in your life, then continue with that mentality. If your objective is to wind up with the man you want, then do what’s necessary. Christ, Jesus. He is probably not making a move for the reasons mentioned above or because of the fact that he’s genuinely not interested in you. Get over it.

Women not understanding why men are interested in them

This may seem a bit contradictory to the above statements, but I do genuinely have some sympathy for men who are trying to navigate their way through the ocean of idiocy that is the sum totality of female behaviours. “omgz i don’t know why he likes me like i just went with him to a bar got drunk and booty-danced all over him for hours and made out with him and got really drunk and told him to call me and then he did n like i didn’t mean it i wuz just drunk and now he likes me” This should fucking speak for itself. Acquire responsibility, morons.

Massive Policy Announcement

This has been an interesting year. I would like to announce, though, that my year of trying to outdo Jagger/Richards is over. As soon as I hit the reset point, the Greek letter system comes to an end. I return to SOP, which is serial monogamy. Wish me luck. -dx

+Insomnia +Doppelgaenger + Crazy Talk

Many of you know that I suffer from chronic insomnia. There’s just so much random stuff going through my head at any given point in time that I wonder how the hell I ever sleep. Many of you also know Rajiv, my doppelgaenger. The first time that Devika saw the two of us together, her response was, “Oh, my God. There are two of you. I can’t deal. I’m on the phone.” It was brilliant.

So, under the jump is what happens when both Raj and I have insomnia and chat on AIM for hours.  We manage to discuss:

  • whether or not our brains run on AMD v Intel
  • just how annoying Dillon really is
  • my love for PRS guitars
  • my nephew
  • why I am so awesome
  • why Raj is so awesome
  • toilet humour
  • picking on Sejal
  • my plans for my nephew
  • Raj’s plans for my nephew
  • the hybrid beast known as DheeRaj.

It’s pretty sweet. Check it out.  This one is password protected.  Ask for the password. -dx12:01:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: So I’ve been playing a lot of guitar here.
12:01:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah?
12:02:02 AM Dheeraj Chand: I’ve come to truly love PRS guitars.
12:02:24 AM Dheeraj Chand: They have that amazing, deep tone, using fucking lipstick pickups. Who would have thought it possible?
12:03:10 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Santana?  🙂
12:03:50 AM Dheeraj Chand: Bah.
12:03:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: Fuck him.
12:03:59 AM Dheeraj Chand: He was brilliant through 1979.
12:05:21 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I think he still plays well.  I only fault him for pairing up with douches.
12:10:48 AM Dheeraj Chand: He doesn’t do anything worth listening to any more, though, and he doesn’t push the limits of his instrument as he once did.
12:10:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Do you have a PRS?
12:11:30 AM Dheeraj Chand: No, but I’ve been jamming with this country band.
12:15:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: They have a PRS and Les Paul Studio that I’ve been using.
12:15:45 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Sexy.  🙂
12:16:04 AM Dheeraj Chand: We play a lot of Civil War songs and Johnny Cash.
12:22:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: It’s sort of awesome.
12:22:55 AM Dheeraj Chand: And we’ve recently branched out into country rock and gospel blues.
12:23:03 AM Rajiv B. Shah: That’s your kind of stuff.  🙂
12:23:09 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yup.
12:23:28 AM Dheeraj Chand: As much experimental music as I may listen to, I love to bring it all back home, so to speak.
12:23:38 AM Rajiv B. Shah: That really makes me happy, man.
12:24:41 AM Dheeraj Chand: Back.
12:24:48 AM Dheeraj Chand: Sorry about the router problems. Sheesh.
Rajiv Bakulesh Shah came back (12:32:15 AM)
Rajiv Bakulesh Shah went away (12:32:15 AM)
12:36:50 AM Dheeraj Chand: I am completely convinced that Tumblin’ Dice is the ultimate jam song.
2:50:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: Would you like to see something positively ridiculous?
2:51:07 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Always.
2:51:12 AM Dheeraj Chand:
2:51:52 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Who’s Daryn?
2:52:03 AM Dheeraj Chand: A long time buddy of mine.
2:52:05 AM Dheeraj Chand: She’s awesome.
2:55:13 AM Rajiv B. Shah: This is funny.
2:55:58 AM Dheeraj Chand: Agreed.
2:56:02 AM Dheeraj Chand: I adore Daryn.
2:57:35 AM Rajiv B. Shah: What’s the opposite of a firewall?
2:57:37 AM Rajiv B. Shah: A Watergate.
2:58:34 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Did you laugh?
2:58:44 AM Dheeraj Chand: We argue like this all the time.
2:58:51 AM Rajiv B. Shah: It’s a joke.
3:04:22 AM Dheeraj Chand: It is rather amazing, no?
3:04:30 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Kind of ridiculous.
4:40:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: Hey, do you like Sinead o’Connor?
4:40:28 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I don’t know anything about her.  Why?
4:41:10 AM Dheeraj Chand: Well, I absolutely adore her music.
4:41:22 AM Dheeraj Chand: She did an Irish remake of a Prince song, years ago, and it hooked me.
4:41:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Ah.
4:42:09 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Have you heard of JUDY AND MARY?
4:42:19 AM Dheeraj Chand:
4:42:29 AM Dheeraj Chand: No.
4:43:22 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You may not like their style, but there’s no other valid criticism.  They’re a Japanese pop band, very playful, and they’re all virtuosos.
4:47:28 AM Dheeraj Chand: Tell me what you think of the Irish rendition of the song.
4:47:30 AM Dheeraj Chand: I find it haunting.
4:47:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: In a very odd way, Irish vocal techniques are very similar to Rajasthani techniques.
4:47:57 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I can see the video, but I can’t listen to it.  I don’t have my headphones.
4:47:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah?
4:48:08 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yeah.
4:48:19 AM Dheeraj Chand: I sometimes wonder how crazy it is that I have so much data in my head.
4:48:27 AM Dheeraj Chand: Seriously, dude, I must be powered by AMD.
4:48:46 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dheeraj Chand, Powered by AMD, running FreeBSD.
4:49:10 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Shit, nigga, I’m powered by MIPS.  Largely useless, but clean!
4:49:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude.
4:49:24 AM Dheeraj Chand: I rule all that I may surveille.
4:49:59 AM Rajiv B. Shah: FreeBSD?  Nah.  Linux is The Way (TM).
4:50:15 AM Rajiv B. Shah: AMD is the Linux of chip makers.
4:50:37 AM Dheeraj Chand: BSD is a bit more stable, from what I understand.
4:50:50 AM Dheeraj Chand: Of course, stability is not a hallmark of my mind.
4:50:52 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Sure, and Intel chips are more stable.
4:51:29 AM Rajiv B. Shah: But who cares if your system locks up once every 10 years versus once every 11 years?
4:52:04 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Dude, don’t deny your ghetto heritage.  You’re AMD + Linux.
4:52:30 AM Dheeraj Chand: DX = Slackware, bitches
4:52:36 AM Rajiv B. Shah: There you go.
4:52:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: Take a snapshot of my brain and configure it how you will.
4:53:10 AM Dheeraj Chand: /usr/bin/dx
4:53:14 AM Dheeraj Chand: /
4:53:20 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Dillon?  Now he’s pompous enough to be a FreeBSD type.  But he likes Starbucks too much.
4:53:31 AM Rajiv B. Shah: He’s straight IBM PPC + OS X.
4:53:49 AM Dheeraj Chand: Okay, I have no objections to PPC + OS X.
4:53:59 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Neither do I.  I’m enjoying it as we speak.
4:54:12 AM Rajiv B. Shah: But does that platform personify you?  I don’t think so.
4:54:13 AM Dheeraj Chand: However, you and I are powered by AMD and Slackware.
4:54:19 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Exactly.
4:54:21 AM Dheeraj Chand: /usr/bin/rshah333/
4:54:49 AM Rajiv B. Shah: No shit.  None of this
4:55:03 AM Dheeraj Chand:
4:55:08 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Heh heh.
4:55:15 AM Dheeraj Chand:
4:55:28 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Sima would be
4:55:35 AM Dheeraj Chand: HA!
4:55:50 AM Dheeraj Chand:
4:56:19 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Wow, I’m lame.  I had to click your MySpace URL to see if it really existed.
4:57:29 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Do you ever use the dictionary that comes with OS X Tiger?
4:57:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: u != l33t
4:57:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: DX=(DX(“DX=l33t”))
4:58:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: No.
4:58:35 AM Dheeraj Chand: I sort of want to have a dual boot with Yellow Dog.
4:58:40 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I don’t think dx really stands for Delta Chi.  I think it stands for the derivative with respect to x.
4:59:20 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Boot Camp is brilliant.  At the moment, I’m triple booting: OS X, Gentoo, and Windows XP.
4:59:40 AM Dheeraj Chand: dx/dawesome
4:59:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: You’ve got Gentoo on a Mac?
5:00:10 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Under OS X and Gentoo, all my hardware is fully supported.  Under Windows XP, all my hardware except my built-in iSight camera is fully supported.
5:00:13 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yes!
5:00:16 AM Dheeraj Chand: No shit?
5:00:18 AM Dheeraj Chand: Really?
5:00:19 AM Rajiv B. Shah: No shit!
5:00:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: u = l33t
5:00:37 AM Rajiv B. Shah: It even runs Rajiv B. Shah, believe it or not.
5:00:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: u > m4rk l1nf0rd : l33t
5:01:28 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You know what’s the l33t3st feeling in the world?  Launching the OS X activity monitor, and seeing two CPU graphs.
5:01:35 AM Dheeraj Chand: w00t!
5:01:37 AM Rajiv B. Shah: That’s right, niggaz!
5:01:46 AM Dheeraj Chand: Bitches, I represent twice!
5:02:19 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Speaking of which, AMD just announced quad-core Opterons.
5:02:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: Shut up.
5:02:58 AM Dheeraj Chand: I’d heard about this.
5:02:59 AM Dheeraj Chand: Really?
5:03:06 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Doesn’t Opteron just sound like it should mean “raptor?”  The lightening-fast pack predator who will drive the brontosaurus that is Intel straight into extinction.
5:03:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: Go snatch some birds from the trees, bitches.
5:03:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: Opteron will beat some ass.
5:03:36 AM Rajiv B. Shah: It already is.
5:03:43 AM Dheeraj Chand: Jesus, quad?
5:03:52 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Quad-core!  64-bit!
5:03:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: Will Warcraft ever be the same again?
5:04:15 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Are you kidding me?  It’d run at like a thousand FPS!
5:04:24 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude, with a processor like that, my shit will compile before I finish typing it.
5:04:41 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah, it’s absurd.  Something like 8 MB L2 cache.
5:04:50 AM Rajiv B. Shah: That’s on-chip cache.
5:04:56 AM Dheeraj Chand: So, essentially, it approximates 1% of Raj Processing Power.
5:04:58 AM Dheeraj Chand: RPP.
5:04:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Shared between the cores.
5:05:06 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Hahaha!
5:05:31 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah, that quad-core Opteron runs at about 2 DheeraMIPS.
5:05:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: Brilliant.
5:05:48 AM Dheeraj Chand: We rule all that we may surveille.
5:05:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Oh shit.  You’re not logging this, are you?
5:06:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: Of course I am.
5:06:38 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Fuck me.
5:06:39 AM Dheeraj Chand: So are you, iFag.
5:06:54 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Oh, hell no.  That was the first thing I disabled in iChat.
5:07:05 AM Dheeraj Chand: l0gz = 0wnz0r
5:07:09 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I don’t want my mom Spotlighting through my porn.
5:08:04 AM Rajiv B. Shah: It makes me feel kind of dirty, actually.  Using the same computer to beat off to porn and burn a CD of classical Indian music for my mom.
5:08:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude.
5:08:46 AM Dheeraj Chand: I develop Democratic web campaigns, watch The West Wing and check MySpace on the same computer.
5:08:56 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Does it disturb you?
5:08:58 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yes.
5:09:39 AM Dheeraj Chand: Would you like to see my most recent favourite picture of El Delta con Chi?
5:09:53 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You need a Mac Pro for your web development, a MacBook for The West Wing, and a Mac Mini for YourSpace.
5:10:04 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yes.
5:10:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: I’ll cut you with a knife.
5:10:24 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You think I’m kidding.
5:10:28 AM Dheeraj Chand:
5:10:39 AM Dheeraj Chand: The amazing thing is that I had no idea why this picture was being taken.
5:10:48 AM Rajiv B. Shah: LoL!
5:10:49 AM Dheeraj Chand: I was just standing there, doing what I was doing.
5:11:01 AM Rajiv B. Shah: That’s really funny.
5:11:09 AM Dheeraj Chand: I think that my confusion is obvious in my expression.
5:11:19 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I like the goatee.
5:11:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: Thanks.
5:11:36 AM Dheeraj Chand: It’s actually, however, a Van Dyke.
5:11:45 AM Dheeraj Chand: A goatee would lack the connecting moustaches.
5:12:00 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Ah.
5:12:30 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Your birthday is the 10th, right?
5:12:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yes.
5:13:14 AM Dheeraj Chand:
5:13:16 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I remember because you were especially distraught on 9/11.
5:13:35 AM Dheeraj Chand:
5:13:39 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yes.
5:13:41 AM Dheeraj Chand: It sucked.
5:13:55 AM Dheeraj Chand: On the day after my birth, the city of my birth was attacked.
5:14:00 AM Dheeraj Chand: What a douche.
5:14:12 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I’ve just added your birthday to my iCal.
5:14:22 AM Dheeraj Chand: So you can iForget?
5:14:45 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Heh heh.
5:15:34 AM Rajiv B. Shah: This is convenient.  Your birthday is 8 days before my girlfriend’s.
5:19:05 AM Dheeraj Chand: Lovely.
5:23:04 AM Dheeraj Chand: So we’ll both be forgotten!
5:24:59 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah, somehow, Megan is cool with that bullshit.
5:25:06 AM Dheeraj Chand: Genius.
5:25:08 AM Dheeraj Chand: Well done,sir.
5:25:16 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I don’t understand.
5:25:23 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude, I should totally broadcast this conversation to the world.
5:25:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: No one would believe it if I described it otherwise.
5:25:56 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Dude, I wish I had logs of some of the conversations we’ve had in real life.
5:26:06 AM Dheeraj Chand: HAHAHAHA!
5:26:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: Do you remember that time I got mad at my sister’s Brittney Spears CD?
5:26:39 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You fucking ejected it out of the CD player, bit it, and chunked it out the window.
5:26:47 AM Dheeraj Chand: That recently went through my mind.
5:26:59 AM Dheeraj Chand: I cannot believe that I was so angry that I bit the damn thing.
5:27:00 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You bit it!  I think you were growling too!
5:27:06 AM Dheeraj Chand: I WAS SOBER.
5:27:23 AM Dheeraj Chand: How ridiculous was that?
5:27:26 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “Hey, Raj, I just took the most magnificent dump.”
5:27:26 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “So I heard.”
5:27:38 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Yo, Raj, come look at my turds.”
5:27:46 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “Wanna go to Metro?”
5:27:53 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “Give me about 20 minutes.  I need to recover.”
5:28:35 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Dude, I seriously think that reading Heidegger while eating a sandwich, drinking a Shiner and taking a dump is heaven.”
5:29:20 AM Rajiv B. Shah: No one believes me when I tell them about that stuff.  Not even Megan.
5:29:46 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Oh, my God. I just took a shit. Dude, I am so hungry.”
5:30:01 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “Raj, I can’t move.  I feel so empty.”
5:30:30 AM Dheeraj Chand: “It’s as if someone took an ice cream scoop to my intestines.”
5:30:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Dheeraj, you’re fucking crazy.”
5:31:01 AM Dheeraj Chand: “No, man, you don’t understand. I’m hollow.”
5:31:11 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “Go ahead.  Tell whoever you want.  They won’t believe you.”
5:31:21 AM Dheeraj Chand: I am a genius.
5:31:27 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Fuck.
5:31:44 AM Dheeraj Chand: Remember that time I clogged up the toilet and locked you in the bathroom?
5:31:51 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Wow, that sucked.
5:31:59 AM Dheeraj Chand: No, actually, I believe that that ruled.
5:32:32 AM Rajiv B. Shah: And, while I was locked in the bathroom, Sejal asked how to spell Nietzsche.
5:32:38 AM Dheeraj Chand: RIGHT.
5:32:45 AM Dheeraj Chand: “How do you spell Nietzsche?”
5:33:03 AM Dheeraj Chand: “How do I spell Nietzsche? The same way that one does, you twit.”
5:33:12 AM Rajiv B. Shah: LoL!
5:33:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: That certainly didn’t go over well.
5:33:40 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “There are about 10 Nietzsche books within grabbing distance from you.  Look it up!”
5:33:43 AM Dheeraj Chand: What was particularly amazing about that was that I had a copy of der Wille zu Macht sitting right in front of her when she asked.
5:33:52 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah.
5:33:59 AM Dheeraj Chand: It was on my desk.
5:34:02 AM Dheeraj Chand: On my bloody desk.
5:34:16 AM Rajiv B. Shah: That was a fun weekend.  🙂
5:34:19 AM Dheeraj Chand: The same desk, I might add, at which she was seated.
5:34:23 AM Dheeraj Chand: What a silly girl.
5:34:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: I miss her so much.
5:34:34 AM Rajiv B. Shah: How’s she doing?
5:34:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: You should get an MSN Passport just to chat with her on MSN Messenger.
5:34:43 AM Dheeraj Chand: I did.
5:34:51 AM Dheeraj Chand: Oh, you know her.
5:34:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: Stupid love drama.
5:35:25 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude, I am convinced that she and I are going to live together one day, unmarried and loving it.
5:35:38 AM Dheeraj Chand: It’ll be Jim Beam o’Clock twenty-hours a day!
5:35:44 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Heh heh.
5:36:12 AM Dheeraj Chand: You know what my alter ego is, right?
5:36:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: Sharabi Daroowalla.
5:36:26 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I was about to ask, which one?
5:36:31 AM Dheeraj Chand: You’re right.
5:36:35 AM Dheeraj Chand: I have a couple.
5:36:39 AM Dheeraj Chand: Oh, good God.
5:36:47 AM Dheeraj Chand: I had a total linguistic breakdown the other day.
5:36:53 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah?
5:37:16 AM Dheeraj Chand: So I was at a bar with this woman, Elizabeth, two of her friends, Nanda, a South Indian, and Michaelis, a Greek, and my friends Kyle and Dave.
5:37:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: Kyle prefers German, Dave is trying to learn conversational Latin,
5:37:40 AM Dheeraj Chand: Elizabeth speaks English,
5:38:03 AM Rajiv B. Shah: LoL!
5:38:24 AM Dheeraj Chand: Nanda was attempting to speak Panjabi, but delivering weak South Indian Hindi and Michaelis was so thrilled to find someone who’d studied Greek that he started throwing Euripides, Herodotus and Thucydides at me.
5:38:48 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Were you drunk?  That might’ve made it easier.
5:39:02 AM Dheeraj Chand: Ordinarily, I’m quite fucking competent, but all of this at one time, combined with all that I’d had to drink, led to the Blue Screen of Death.
5:39:16 AM Dheeraj Chand: Everyone else was far more drunk than I was.
5:39:24 AM Rajiv B. Shah: LoL!
5:39:34 AM Dheeraj Chand: So it was, “Oy, Punju, ek aur pio gay?”
5:40:04 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Ego, Herodotos, Hallicarnasoi…” (which was incorrect, and threw me off more.)
5:40:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Dheeraj, willst du mehr trinken?”
5:40:30 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Indicus, mihi da frumentum.”
5:40:41 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Damn.
5:40:46 AM Dheeraj Chand: This led to the BSoD.
5:41:11 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah.  I prefer to speak one language at a time.
5:41:21 AM Dheeraj Chand: Of course, that could also be expanded to “Breakdown Surrender of Drunk.”
5:41:47 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Belligerent Slurring of Dheeraj?
5:42:08 AM Dheeraj Chand: Brilliant Suggestions of Dheeraj
5:42:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: Badass Suppositions of Dheearj
5:42:29 AM Dheeraj Chand: Breathtaking Sexiness of Dheeraj
5:42:40 AM Rajiv B. Shah: In that state of drunkenness?  Un-fucking-likely.  😉
5:42:45 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Well, all except that last one, sugar.
5:42:50 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude, I rule all that I may surveille.
5:42:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: Never forget that.
5:42:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I’ll try not to.
5:43:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: The only challenges to my suzerainty are Michael Alan Linford and Philip Gabriel Kerpen.
5:44:03 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Do you speak to Linford often?
5:44:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: I talk to three Linfords with great regularity.
5:44:25 AM Dheeraj Chand: Mark is actually dating a buddy of mine.
5:44:35 AM Dheeraj Chand: Pat is in NY state, being Army material.
5:44:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: Michael is being a douche, SOP.
5:44:51 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I rarely see Michael on AIM these days.
5:45:00 AM Dheeraj Chand: He uses Google Chat, mostly.
5:45:05 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Ah.
5:45:07 AM Dheeraj Chand: You have to call him, though, or SMS him.
5:45:26 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I’ll ask him to add me to his Google Chat list.  I have a Jabber account.
5:45:39 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I think his company has banned AIM on their network.  Dumb.
5:45:51 AM Rajiv B. Shah: In my experience, if you have to do that, you’ve already lost.
5:46:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: Especially since they issue Blackberries that have AIM pre-installed.
5:46:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: Morons.
5:46:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: They should really put me in charge of everything.
5:46:31 AM Dheeraj Chand: The world would be far better.
5:46:32 AM Rajiv B. Shah: LoL!
5:46:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: I should warn you that I have reached the point of insomnia where I feel that the world should see what we discuss.
5:47:05 AM Dheeraj Chand: There are good odds that this log will be shared with people.
5:47:29 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Oh, fuck.  No one who doesn’t already know I’m crazy, please.
5:47:33 AM Dheeraj Chand: y0 s0y 3l r3y ph1l0s0ph3r
5:49:47 AM Dheeraj Chand: I just out-crazied you.
5:49:50 AM Dheeraj Chand: Relax.
5:50:03 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Heh.
5:50:16 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude.
5:50:28 AM Dheeraj Chand: Can you imagine a garage remix of Merle Haggard songs?
5:50:35 AM Rajiv B. Shah: No.
5:50:37 AM Dheeraj Chand: I swear to God that that’s next.
5:50:51 AM Dheeraj Chand: Nashville pop and hip-pop have already come together.
5:51:07 AM Dheeraj Chand: Look up “Honky tonk badonkadonk” some time.
5:51:19 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You just made that up.
5:51:41 AM Dheeraj Chand:
5:51:46 AM Dheeraj Chand: Oops.
5:51:48 AM Dheeraj Chand: Hang on.
5:51:55 AM Dheeraj Chand:
5:52:06 AM Rajiv B. Shah: No way.
5:52:22 AM Dheeraj Chand: Indeed, there is a way.
5:52:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: This has a modal qualifier of “existent.”
5:52:55 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I can’t decide whether this is brilliant or nauseating.
5:53:11 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude, modus ponens.
5:53:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: +brilliant +nauseating
5:53:21 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk would make a good screen name.
5:53:51 AM Dheeraj Chand: Why don’t you go ahead and get iGuju, first?
5:53:58 AM Rajiv B. Shah: iFag.
5:54:03 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yes, you are.
5:54:05 AM Dheeraj Chand: iRule
5:54:45 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Apple are set to make a big announcement on Sep 12.  I wonder if they’re going to announce a new letter campaign.
5:55:17 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Can you imagine an xMac?  An xBook?  Wow.
5:58:38 AM Dheeraj Chand: Hmm…
5:58:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: I think that they and Google are going to launch a political party.
5:59:07 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah, they have a lot of common goals and such.
5:59:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: Google has a seat on the Apple board.
5:59:24 AM Dheeraj Chand: Right next to Al Gore.
5:59:27 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Right.
5:59:48 AM Dheeraj Chand: Seriously, the intersection of Apple, Google and Gore sort of thrills me.
6:00:11 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I don’t know, though.  In many ways, Apple’s hands are tied.
6:01:04 AM Dheeraj Chand: True.
6:01:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: However, they are the Dheeraj of the computing world.
6:01:33 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Google, however, are free to do whatever the fuck they like.
6:01:44 AM Dheeraj Chand: They sort of stroll around, being awesome and smashing paradigms, while everyone struggles to catch up.
6:02:10 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Hahaha!
6:02:20 AM Dheeraj Chand: I shit on paradigms!
6:02:28 AM Dheeraj Chand: Of course, I rest afterwards.
6:02:38 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I :-p paradigms.
6:02:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: u !=l33t
6:03:29 AM Dheeraj Chand: DX > BSD> Raj
6:03:36 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I must say, iChat has the best emoticons of any chat program I’ve used.
6:06:33 AM Dheeraj Chand: Dude, this will be my first birthday in my life without either one member of my family or my ATX crew being present.
6:06:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: It’s really going to suck.
6:07:26 AM Rajiv B. Shah: You’ll make up for it the next time you visit TX.  🙂
6:07:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yeah, and I’ll have a nephew, to boot!
6:08:18 AM Rajiv B. Shah: When are you coming?
6:08:41 AM Dheeraj Chand: No time soon.
6:10:37 AM Dheeraj Chand: My nephew is going to rule.
6:10:49 AM Dheeraj Chand: Have you saved up to buy him his first Linux box, yet?
6:11:02 AM Dheeraj Chand: I already have a whole bunch of Latin, Greek, German and Sanskrit for him.
6:11:10 AM Dheeraj Chand: I also have his first necktie.
6:11:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: Once he’s born, I’m taking him to Brooks Brothers to get him a suit.
6:11:45 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I already have a Linux box.  I’ve been waiting for someone who could use it.
6:11:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: dheeraj 2.0
6:11:59 AM Dheeraj Chand: This kid is going to RULE ALL.
6:12:06 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Pentium IV, 2.8 GHz.  256 MB DDR.  Gentoo.
6:12:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: There is no way that this kid is going to wear douchebag baby clothes.
6:12:21 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Abit motherboard.  I poured my heart into that machine.
6:12:29 AM Dheeraj Chand: He’ll have nice suits and ties from an early age.
6:12:51 AM Rajiv B. Shah: And, if I have any say, there’s no way he’s going to have a Fischer Price computer running Tinker Toy OS.
6:13:01 AM Dheeraj Chand: TTOS = BS
6:13:11 AM Dheeraj Chand: DUDE.
6:13:14 AM Rajiv B. Shah: TTOS = BSOD.  QED.
6:13:23 AM Dheeraj Chand: He can be DheeRaj 2.0
6:13:28 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Hahaha!
6:13:48 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Translate your Latin!”
6:13:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Play your Chopin!”
6:13:57 AM Rajiv B. Shah: “Compile your kernel!”
6:14:06 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Is that an extraneous comment line in your code, bitch?”
6:14:09 AM Dheeraj Chand: “But I’m five!
6:14:10 AM Dheeraj Chand: ”
6:14:13 AM Rajiv B. Shah: LoL!
6:14:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Get used to it, bitch.”
6:14:40 AM Rajiv B. Shah: We have to decide what he’s going to be when he grows up.
6:14:44 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Fuck, Raj Mama, can I have a cigarettte?”
6:14:53 AM Rajiv B. Shah: What do you think?  How about a double major?  Math and classics?
6:14:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: He’s goiing to be president.
6:15:01 AM Dheeraj Chand: That’s our nephew!
6:15:04 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yes, of course.
6:15:15 AM Rajiv B. Shah: But before that?
6:15:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: Senator from Texas.
6:15:52 AM Rajiv B. Shah: He’ll need a career before politics.
6:16:08 AM Rajiv B. Shah: He’ll be independently wealthy.  He’ll retire when he’s 35.  And that’s when he’ll run for senate.
6:16:09 AM Dheeraj Chand: Hmmm….
6:16:13 AM Dheeraj Chand: No.
6:16:19 AM Dheeraj Chand: He has to go through the course.
6:16:35 AM Dheeraj Chand: City Council -> Congress -> Senate -> President
6:16:41 AM Dheeraj Chand: I want my nephew at every level of power.
6:16:53 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Hmm…  Yeah, OK.
6:17:01 AM Dheeraj Chand: He can double major in Philosophy and Math, though.
6:17:05 AM Dheeraj Chand: And minor in music.
6:17:07 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Wait, not math.
6:17:10 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Physics.
6:17:21 AM Dheeraj Chand: The real question, though, is to get Devika to relinquish control over 2.0 to us.
6:17:21 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Philosophy, physics, music.  Good.
6:17:31 AM Dheeraj Chand: He would be the distilled essence of us!
6:17:40 AM Rajiv B. Shah: See?  He has to go to law school and become a patent lawyer.  So he needs a technical background.
6:17:54 AM Dheeraj Chand: Hmm…
6:18:01 AM Rajiv B. Shah: The physics major would cover it.
6:18:07 AM Dheeraj Chand: Yes.
6:18:14 AM Dheeraj Chand: But he has to minor in math and music, then.
6:18:19 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Right.
6:18:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: We should start saving up for his first piano.
6:18:31 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Which university?  Stanford?
6:18:33 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Ooh!
6:18:44 AM Rajiv B. Shah: He’ll earn his philosophy degree from Harvard, and his physics degree from MIT!
6:18:50 AM Dheeraj Chand: Genius.
6:19:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: I have already decided, by the way, to consistently address the boy as “Junior.”
6:19:30 AM Dheeraj Chand: Not Neal, Jr.
6:19:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: It’s strongly implied that he’ll be raised as my Deputy.
6:20:02 AM Rajiv B. Shah: When he’s president, he’ll appoint us to his cabinet.
6:20:16 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Would you like to be secretary of state?
6:20:34 AM Dheeraj Chand: That would be pretty neat.
6:20:40 AM Dheeraj Chand: Where would you go, NSF?
6:20:52 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yeah, that, or secretary of education?
6:20:59 AM Dheeraj Chand: HA!
6:21:09 AM Dheeraj Chand: A song just came on my iTunes that reminded me of an old Raj joke.
6:21:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: Medication, by Spiritualized.
6:21:34 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Dheeraj, what the hell is it with you and I-IV songs about drugs?”
6:21:47 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Hahaha!
6:22:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: “Dude, Raj, Heroin is seriously the greatest thing written since T.S. Eliot.”
6:23:12 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Overheard, from one auntie to another, after the election of the first Indian-American president: Oh, Madhuri, did you see that nice Gujarati boy next to the president?  I think he’s a doctor!
6:23:24 AM Dheeraj Chand: OY!
6:23:27 AM Dheeraj Chand: You stole my joke!
6:23:32 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Hahaha!
6:23:33 AM Dheeraj Chand: It’s actually as follows:
6:24:23 AM Dheeraj Chand: The first Indian-American is being inaugurated President. His mummy is so proud. She leans over to the fellow to the right of her and asks, “You see that chap with his hand on the Bible?” The fellow responds, “Well, yes, of course.” “Well, his brother is a doctor.”
6:24:37 AM Rajiv B. Shah: There you go.
6:25:37 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that’s how dogs spend their lives. – Sue Murphy
6:26:08 AM Dheeraj Chand: Would you like to see two awesome pictures of my dog?
6:26:13 AM Rajiv B. Shah: Yes.
6:26:33 AM Dheeraj Chand:
6:26:45 AM Dheeraj Chand:
6:27:07 AM Rajiv B. Shah: I like the first one.  🙂
6:27:13 AM Dheeraj Chand: He’s so awesome.
6:27:34 AM Dheeraj Chand: He just sort of hangs out, being awesome.
6:32:55 AM Dheeraj Chand: More people should emulate my dog.

Wherein Daryn opposes my eyebrow, calls me an arrogant twit and suggests that we are the ne plus ultrae of the high schoo

n.b., Daryn has been a dear friend and professional colleague for so long now that I honestly have no idea when or where I met her, but I do know that I absolutely adore her.

1:20:19 AM Daryn Pacciotti: when I get to dc
1:20:24 AM Daryn Pacciotti: if you have not plucked the unibrow
1:20:29 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I am going to do it myself
1:20:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: HA!
1:20:45 AM Dheeraj Chand: May I quote you on that?
1:20:48 AM Daryn Pacciotti: yes
1:20:50 AM Daryn Pacciotti: yes you may
1:20:56 AM Dheeraj Chand: You feel strongly on this subject.
1:21:06 AM Daryn Pacciotti: yep.
1:21:17 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I am very passionate about eyebrows.
1:21:25 AM Dheeraj Chand:
1:21:27 AM Dheeraj Chand: Why is that?
1:21:44 AM Daryn Pacciotti: because eyebrows are the hallmark of a face
1:21:52 AM Daryn Pacciotti: when done well, they shape and flatter
1:22:04 AM Daryn Pacciotti: when done poorly, or let alone, they can take alot away
1:22:23 AM Dheeraj Chand: And you don’t think that my singular eyebrow symbolizes the integration of the many knowledges, talents and skills that I have into one holistic entity?
1:22:25 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I had giant ugly caterpillars for years.
1:22:28 AM Daryn Pacciotti: no
1:22:30 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I dont
1:22:43 AM Dheeraj Chand: I think that it captures the essence of me.
1:22:45 AM Dheeraj Chand: I love my eyebrow.
1:22:49 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I think your eyebrow makes you look like someone who needs to find a nice waxer
1:23:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: I think that my eyebrow is proof positive that is possible to like nice neckties and not be a total metrosexual douchebag.
1:24:50 AM Dheeraj Chand: (Ooooh, respond to that.)
1:25:09 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I think your eyebrow is a strong deterrent from chatting up women.
1:25:22 AM Dheeraj Chand: I have empirical evidence to the contrary.
1:25:34 AM Daryn Pacciotti: you honestly have women say they like the unibrow?
1:25:37 AM Dheeraj Chand: Your argument is essentially a counterfactual.
1:25:51 AM Dheeraj Chand: Your claim is that should I have two eyebrows, I would do better with women than I do now.
1:26:02 AM Daryn Pacciotti: my question remains
1:26:13 AM Daryn Pacciotti: have you ever had a woman say she likes the unibrow?
1:26:17 AM Dheeraj Chand: And, moreover, that should I have had two eyebrows ’til now, I would have done better ’til now.
1:26:22 AM Dheeraj Chand: No.
1:26:27 AM Dheeraj Chand: I have also had no complaints in over a year.
1:26:32 AM Daryn Pacciotti: ROFLMAO
1:26:37 AM Daryn Pacciotti: this is why I love you deeraj
1:26:44 AM Daryn Pacciotti: so smart and yet so not smart
1:26:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: I rule all that I may surveille.
1:27:06 AM Daryn Pacciotti: you just tell yourself that, darlin’
1:27:09 AM Dheeraj Chand: Okay, the last time that I had complaints was when I lived with my family.
1:27:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: My mother and sister would go ballistic over it.
1:27:26 AM Dheeraj Chand: And prior to that, my fiance was determined to kill it.
1:27:32 AM Dheeraj Chand: She would pluck it in my sleep.
1:27:36 AM Dheeraj Chand: How crazy is that?
1:27:41 AM Daryn Pacciotti: hmm
1:27:43 AM Daryn Pacciotti: so essentially
1:27:51 AM Daryn Pacciotti: three other women have the same reaction I do
1:27:57 AM Daryn Pacciotti: and none have said they actually like it
1:27:57 AM Dheeraj Chand: Three out of hundreds.
1:27:59 AM Daryn Pacciotti: and yet
1:28:48 AM Dheeraj Chand: I’ve been told that I’m rather handsome, you know, by numerous women.
1:28:53 AM Dheeraj Chand: One even used the word, “hot.”
1:29:02 AM Daryn Pacciotti: you perceive silence to be some sort of tacit approval, kind of like a debate round, when in fact it really is that most women avoid such rude confrontations such as telling someone ‘btw that unibrow is seriously fucking annoying’
1:29:04 AM Daryn Pacciotti: ahhh
1:29:10 AM Daryn Pacciotti: but I didnt say YOU were unattractive
1:29:37 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I said the brow was unattractive, which implies that, were you to get rid of the eyebrow, you would be able to be MORE attractive
1:29:43 AM Dheeraj Chand: So once again, we’re back to the fact that you are proposing a counterfactual, which, definitionally, is not only neither true nor false, but, moreover, unverifiable.
1:29:52 AM Dheeraj Chand: Counterfactuals lack truth-values.
1:30:03 AM Dheeraj Chand: Seriously.
1:30:05 AM Daryn Pacciotti: fine, deeraj, live in your dream world
1:30:08 AM Dheeraj Chand: Ask Donald Lewis.
1:30:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: He’s written books about this.
1:30:42 AM Dheeraj Chand: “If the present king of France were to declare war on Israel, what would Bohemia do?” is not a well formed question, and as such, has no truth value.
1:30:58 AM Dheeraj Chand: From a false premise, anything is true. It’s called “vacuous truth.”
1:31:07 AM Dheeraj Chand: (I made straight A’s in logic.)
1:32:12 AM Daryn Pacciotti: logic is a system, not a reality. the world is much more complicated than logic, and if you persist to believe that everything in the world can be reduced to a logical mindframe, then you know, have fun.  but personally, I just roll my eyes.
1:32:54 AM Dheeraj Chand: Nice copout.
1:33:02 AM Dheeraj Chand: Logic is the fundamental structure to which all propositions reduce.
1:33:15 AM Dheeraj Chand: And I’m arguing for a robust notion of Logic, including modal.
1:33:46 AM Dheeraj Chand: You can make a modal counterfactual argument, I suppose, but that’s just kind of lame.
1:34:04 AM Daryn Pacciotti: see the fundamental difference between us, deeraj, is that you think you’re smarter than me because you know more about logic and philosophy.  and I just think its funny.
1:34:34 AM Dheeraj Chand: But, in the interest of good LD/CX relations, I’ll allow the plucking. 🙂
1:34:36 AM Dheeraj Chand: No, not at all.
1:34:44 AM Daryn Pacciotti: I mean there is no level of implied patronisation which will ever actually make me feel like I ought to go out and read these things
1:35:33 AM Daryn Pacciotti: hehe I didnt realize we were now the ultimate representatives of the high school debate community
1:36:05 AM Daryn Pacciotti: or that debate had anything to do with superficial value judgements (although I think people are not trying to run Adorno.. poorly)
1:36:44 AM Dheeraj Chand: Hang on, I just received a drunk dial.
1:36:50 AM Daryn Pacciotti: ahaha awesome
1:38:53 AM Daryn Pacciotti: okay, well theres a copter about to fucking land on our apartment complex
1:39:03 AM Daryn Pacciotti: so if I just stop typing, call the police
Daryn Pacciotti disconnected (1:49:55 AM)
Daryn Pacciotti

What people post to the internet is shocking.

As many of you know, I am always surprised by what I find people posting to the internet. It’s almost as if they don’t realise that people actually read these things. Now, in theory, I could be quite guilty of requiring an editorial board, at the very least, and more likely, a Communications Director, Policy Director and Internet Director, but I’m sure that I don’t say things quite as dumb as what I’m documenting here.

Quick admission: I use MySpace. Unlike some really active internet social network people, I use it as a way of keeping in contact with my friends, and rarely use it to make new friends. Sometimes, I’ll get requests from people who just think I’m neat and want to have me as their friend. I’m not sure what is gained by having me one one’s list of friends, but most of these people never have anything to do with me after adding me. I rarely get email from them, for example. This is a good example of a woman who sent me a message requesting to be my friend, and then never interacted with me again. Now, I don’t particularly care, but today, when I logged in, I saw that she written a rant that was so crazy that I thought that I should share it.

More below the fold.

First, let me say that I love all my fellow females. Yet, without proper modifications and acknowledgements, there can be no true progress. So, on that particular note, this blog is for women, not men. If you men want to read this, then go on right ahead! But I have an important message for women. I have spoken to quite a few females online, and they seem to all complain about a common dating problem. They are all twenty-five and up, and most of these women state the identical dilemmas: They keep meeting gentlemen who claim to be nice guys, who say that they are too busy, to have a relationships, but low and beholdguess what? They are not too busy to try and get in your pants. This has happened to me numerous times. In men language ladies, that really means: I am too busy for you.

Trust me, if a man feels that you are worth your weight in gold and something real could come from the two of you, he would make time for you. But you know who I blame for this behavior from men, women!! Wait before you snap your fingers and twirl your neck, please let me explain.Men know what they are doing. and we women let them. The reason why men actually look at you with a straight face and tell you that lousy excuse, is because for every one woman who says if you dont have time for a relationship, you dont have time to mess with me, they are a hundreds of dummies who say okay, and put up with that pathetic excuse. Now if you just want to sleep with a dude and keep it straight physical, then go right ahead, but dont make it anymore than that. Dont treat him like he is your man at all.

No asking him how your day was, no cooking and cleaning for him, dont even date him. Just do what you guys gotta do physically and be out! Sounds type crass? You are doing yourself and untold millions of modern women a huge favor. The reason why so many men say that they are too busy for a relationship is because even when they tell us that, we women still give them all the benefits of a relationship without any strings attached. For instance, pretend you went to a car dealership to buy a car, you see this banging hot red car, totally tricked out, I mean rims, leather interior, a hot rod engine, crazy stereo system, the works!! And you know you cant afford the car to save your life. Yet the dealership guy sees you drooling and comes by with the keys dangling in his hands in front of your face and says this:

you want this car, you dont have to buy it now, heck, you dont even have to pay for it! Not even a down payment, use it for as long as you want, no strings attached, no maintenance, just gas. You bring it back when you are ready, and you should buy it when you do, but you dont have to. But I would like it if you really bought it, but you are 100% not obligated to buy it

How many of you would actually buy that beat up car when you bring it back to the dealership? How many of you would actually, take care of the car and maintain it, when you dont have to. How many of you do the right thing with no strings attached. You might say that the car dealership guy was real stupid to expect anything serious from an agreement like that. Exactly. Do you now see how we women look to men now? You cant expect to do all that and get anything in return on such no string circumstances.

I am not saying that you cant get your groove on. But you have to leave it at that and not make it more than that. Dont try to turn your male booty call into your man. Trust me, most men dont to turn their female booty calls into girlfriends. No matter how much feminism exists men will always be old fashion in whom they take seriously in a relationship. Yes, you will have the 2% majority that actually married their one-nighter, or booty call. But a huge whooping majority of men will not take you past what it is.

Believe it or not, there is a way try to get that too-busy guy to be your man, but you have to ask yourself, is it worth the effort? If so, proceed with caution. And never ever sleep with a man that you want to take you seriously, before he even acknowledges that you too are actually dating! A man has two piles he puts girls in. Fun time girl, and Take home to mama girl. Once he puts you in Fun time girl. Its impossible to get back out.

Once again, no one is saying that you have to be a prude, and lock yourself in a tower and wait for Mr. Right, but like Jay-Z said, Ill show you how to do this son! There is a right way and a wrong way. Save the Victoria Secrets, expensive perfumes, satin sheets, your fresh hair being did, cooking dinner, massaging, asking how your day was, and anything relationship-like for your man. If you chose to mess with a guy that is too busy for a relationship, make him live up to it. Dont give him anything but the ass. I mean it ladies, no cuddling, no after sex sleeping. You go to the bathroom, get your shit and bounce. This way your innocent heart dont get confused and attached to the wrong person. Ladies!! Men have figured that out from day one, how do you think they do it?? If you dont think you can do that, then like mama said, if you cant take the heat, stay outta the kitchen. Perhaps, if more and more women gave men what they claimed they want, no relationship, possibly men would be more inclined to make time for one. As for me, I am a huge softy and a dork, I cant sleep with the same guy over and over and not develop feelingsso I am one of the losers looking longingly into the hot ass kitchen, cause I know my extremely passionate Taurus heart cant handle it.

Now, the question going through my head is “What the hell?” I am terribly curious why she would post something that is so full of syntactic and semantic errors. I am terribly curious why she would post something with so many spelling errors. I am terribly curious why she would post something whose thesis is so bloody stupid.

Ever perplexed,


The DX Twelve Incher

I’ve had a lot of requests for me to make this publicly known, so here it is. This is my recipe for The DX Twelve Incher.


1. Sourdough bread

2. Mustard, spicy brown

3. Garlic butter, with oregano, rosemary, sage, salt and pepper blended in.

4. Sweet ham

5. Spicy hard salami

6. Pepperoni

7. Italian dressing

8. Lettuce

9. Tomatos

10. Pickles

11. Olives, black and green

12. Dill pickles

13. Sliced cucumbers

14. Banana peppers

15. Jalapeno peppers

16. Italian red pepper paste

17. Onions

Put it together. You know how to make one.